Moo

Posted March 8, 2010 by jimhigley

Admit it. We all do it sometimes. I notice what’s in your recycling bins and you check out mine.

So, I thought my neighbors might like an explanation as to why there were 13 empty bottles of milk sitting out with my recyclables last week.

You were thinking that I was cleaning out a secret bomb shelter under the house? Or, you might have started to wonder if I was a hoarder in disguise? Years of kids’ science projects that I’m finally parting with?

Nope. My oldest son was home from college.

And, it’s obvious that he suffers from an extreme calcium deficiency.

I know, I know. You’re asking, “How can a person drink so much milk?” But, in his defense, I’d like to point out that he really doesn’t have other bad habits. Did you notice any empty cans of soda in those blue bins out by the street? Nope. And, the beer cans you didn’t see weren’t hidden in trash bags or boxes. He really doesn’t drink. But he does have an addiction to milk.

And, it’s somewhat of a mystery to me how it is all consumed. I just know that, when he is home, throughout the course of a day, I’ll find at least one or two empty gallons of milk sitting on my kitchen counter. I do know that he uses it on his Cinnamon Toast Crunch. And, I guess I’ve become desensitized to the one or two jumbo glasses of milk he consumes along with it.

The rest, however, remains a moo-mystery.

I don’t mean to complain, but when he’s home, I feel like I’m supporting an addict. I plan out my days so I can be sure to pick up a couple gallons of his pearly-colored joy juice. Because my youngest son has a cranberry juice addiction and my daughter has an orange juice (pulp-free, please) addiction, I have limited refrigerator space. So this added milk demand requires me to replenish his supply daily. The local drugstore usually has the best prices. But it also has a checkout clerk who gets a little too personal about my spending habits and likes to quiz me on all of my purchases. I mean, come on, it’s not like I’m stocking up on anti-freeze or bleach! But I’ve managed a workaround to avoid her and now make my dairy purchases in the cosmetic department. Every day.

So,while it’s great to have my son home, it does take a lactate toll on me. But, he’s now back at shcool which gives me a few weeks to recover before his next break. In the meantime, I’m putting in place an alternative plan for his milk obsession.

Hopefully you won’t hear Nelly mooing in our backyard.