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Move Over Charlie Sheen. It’s Someone Else’s Turn

Posted March 4, 2011 by jimhigley

Yes, like many of you, I’ve been sucked into the last week or so of 24/7 Charlie Sheen.

I’ve watched parts of his interview with ABC over and over. I’ve sat with disbelief as I tried to digest the things coming out of his mouth. What exactly is tiger blood? Did he really just claim to be proud of his rock-star drug escapades?

But, I’m tired of it all. The guy’s got issues. I hope he gets help. But speaking as a dad, holy cow, I hope the kids in his life are protected.

Now, I’m ready to move on and bash some other guy: Ken.

I’m guessing Ken is thankful to Charlie right now because, with the media focusing all of its attention on Mr. Sheen, Ken has dodged a big media fiasco.

Ken at birth.

Yes, I’m talking about you Ken Carson. You know what I’m referring to. You and your unbelievable claims about turning the big 5-0. Come on! There’s no way you’re the real McCoy! I just turned 50. I know what a 50 year old guy should be looking like. And I don’t know any 50 year old guys that look like you. In fact, what I think is crazy is that – in the year of our birth – you actually looked 50. But with each passing year you seem to get younger and younger. What are you, the Curious Benjamin Buttons or something?

Fifty year old guys have wrinkles. They wear reading glasses. If they have hair it looks nothing like Ken’s. They have aches, they have flat feet and sport waistlines that hardly look like the one you seem to be sporting.

We also need to talk about your Facebook page. Granted, many fifty-year-old men have Facebook pages, yourself included. But we never, ever post updates like:

“I pulled out all the stops to win Barbie back, but now I’ve got a surprise for you dolls in LA’s Grove Square and NYC’s Time Square.” 

That’s just downright weird. And creepy.

And by the way, where’s your AARP card?

I’m think you’re a big, phony fake, Ken Carson. Trust me. Your days are numbered.

Because when the Charlie Sheen hype goes away, there’s gonna be a bunch of us ready to expose you.

And for goodness sakes, stop referring to Barbie and Strawberry Shortcake as the “Goddesses!”