Move Over Charlie Sheen. It’s Someone Else’s Turn

Posted March 4, 2011 by jimhigley

Yes, like many of you, I’ve been sucked into the last week or so of 24/7 Charlie Sheen.

I’ve watched parts of his interview with ABC over and over. I’ve sat with disbelief as I tried to digest the things coming out of his mouth. What exactly is tiger blood? Did he really just claim to be proud of his rock-star drug escapades?

But, I’m tired of it all. The guy’s got issues. I hope he gets help. But speaking as a dad, holy cow, I hope the kids in his life are protected.

Now, I’m ready to move on and bash some other guy: Ken.

I’m guessing Ken is thankful to Charlie right now because, with the media focusing all of its attention on Mr. Sheen, Ken has dodged a big media fiasco.

Ken at birth.

Yes, I’m talking about you Ken Carson. You know what I’m referring to. You and your unbelievable claims about turning the big 5-0. Come on! There’s no way you’re the real McCoy! I just turned 50. I know what a 50 year old guy should be looking like. And I don’t know any 50 year old guys that look like you. In fact, what I think is crazy is that – in the year of our birth – you actually looked 50. But with each passing year you seem to get younger and younger. What are you, the Curious Benjamin Buttons or something?

Fifty year old guys have wrinkles. They wear reading glasses. If they have hair it looks nothing like Ken’s. They have aches, they have flat feet and sport waistlines that hardly look like the one you seem to be sporting.

We also need to talk about your Facebook page. Granted, many fifty-year-old men have Facebook pages, yourself included. But we never, ever post updates like:

“I pulled out all the stops to win Barbie back, but now I’ve got a surprise for you dolls in LA’s Grove Square and NYC’s Time Square.” 

That’s just downright weird. And creepy.

And by the way, where’s your AARP card?

I’m think you’re a big, phony fake, Ken Carson. Trust me. Your days are numbered.

Because when the Charlie Sheen hype goes away, there’s gonna be a bunch of us ready to expose you.

And for goodness sakes, stop referring to Barbie and Strawberry Shortcake as the “Goddesses!”

  • Mommy Shorts

    I'm guessing your 50-year-old self has at least one advantage over 50-year-old Ken. Unless Ken has made some extremely drastic changes since I was a kid.

  • Jim Higley is the Bobblehead Dad – writer, speaker, life observer and cancer warrior.

    Ha – Funny. And good point

  • Anonymous

    Check out the pic on my blog of a billboard in nyc , ken pleading for barbie to take him back.

    Http://nyfamilytimes.blogspot.com

  • Strongfathers

    The Goddesses! LOL and LOL again. That is just sick and twisted and therefore the reason I like it. By the way. I know Barbie has been toying with Ken all these years but did you really have to bring in Strawberry Shortcake. Just because she has a stripper name does not mean she has to act like one. Good stuff dude.

  • Jim Higley is the Bobblehead Dad – writer, speaker, life observer and cancer warrior.

    @anonymous – that billboard is insane!
    @strongfathers! I'm with you…..who came up with that name – Strawberry Shortcake?! Thanks for reading!

  • Simone Fernandes

    This post is absolutely hilarious! I used to play with Ken and Barbie all the time but I never realized that he is almost 50!!! Yea I totally agree with you that Ken can no longer say stuff like: "I pulled out all the stops to win Barbie back, but now I've got a surprise for you dolls in LA's Grove Square and NYC's Time Square."

    Not cool…not cool at ALL!

  • Quixotic311

    Haha – this was great, thanks for the unexpected laugh :) I never played with Barbie and Ken dolls when I was little – they weirded me out then just like they do now 😛 Praying that my daughter grows up to share my same dis-interest! hehe