Yes, I’m Bald

Posted September 15, 2010 by jimhigley

Guess what? I’m bald.
Once you catch your breath after that news shocker, I have a few more things to get off my chest. As well as my cranium.
Folks, I’ve been folically challenged since I was in my twenties. Reagan (the guy with the full head of Hollywood hair) was president. I’ve been dealing with it for a generation and I’m happy to say, I’m really comfortable with myself.
Why is it, then, that a handful of you (and yes, I hope my cousins in California are reading) like to talk about the subject as if it was “new” news? You know who you are. We might be talking about the weather and I might mention that I went on a run and it was really windy.
And then you reply, “I bet your head was cold!” Ha. Ha. Ha.
I mean, seriously. If I were to turn the tables if you mentioned you were cold, is it alright for me to say, “Good thing you have twenty pounds of fat in that belly of yours! I bet you stay nice and warm!” Ha. Ha. Ha.
But, of course, I would never do that. I don’t think that way.
Bald guys just really seem to be an easy target. Truth is, I think it’s kind of nice to not have the burden of hair. I don’t have to purchase or use shampoo. I don’t own a comb, brush, or blow dryer. I don’t have to waste time or money with any gels, creams or any other products that come in a tube or bottle. I just wash and go in the morning. Give me a toothbrush and toothpaste, a little deodorant and I am ready to travel.
Sounds nice, doesn’t it?
But no, some of you keep coming back with one-liners.
Jokes about getting sunburned up there? Heard em all
.
References to a bowling pin, a baby’s butt, or Mr. Clean? Please, use something original.
Would you mind, however, if I threw back a few comments about those new wrinkles you seem to be growing on your face?
So leave us bald guys alone. Go pick on any number of professional athletes or Hollywood hunks with shaved domes. There are plenty of them who take a razor to their head regularly and seem to be doing just fine.
And, the next one of you who as
ks me if I’m still going through my chemo treatments, I’m coming after you. With a razor!